wESTvIEW residents are facing what appears to be a certain tax increase again next year!(2006)


A suggestion for a way to sidestep this dilemma would be to derive

Tax revenue from "sidewalk obstruction (S O B) applications"!


Sidewalk Obstruction

A sidewalk obstruction is defined as any object such as, (but not limited to) a vehicle, table, chair, bench, any advertising or A-frame sign located on a Boro sidewalk. The ice and snow so often encountered on sidewalks days after a snowstorm would not only now be legal, but would produce revenue for the Boro.

Typically many items are routinely found blocking Boro sidewalks---it only makes sense that the Boro should issue a license, using the funds to offset the expected tax hike. With precedent already set, even items on private property could generate a license fee as well.

Below is an application including instructions on how to complete a Sidewalk Obstruction Application.

wESTvIEW.com Cyber-Imaginary
Sidewalk Obstruction (S O B)
License Application

 ALLOWS VEHICLES, SNOW, ICE, MISC DEBRIS, TABLES, ADVERTISING OR A-FRAME SIGNS TO OBSTRUCT wESTvIEW BORO SIDEWALKS.

STEP 1

 

READ THIS APPLICATION IN ITS ENTIRETY,
COMPLETE AND SUBMIT TO wESTvIEW
CITY CLERK'S OFFICE WITH ALL OTHER
REQUIRED PAPERWORK.

Please print clearly

Date submitted __________________________


NAME OF APPLICANT ______________________________________________________

 BUSINESS NAME __________________________________________________________

 ADDRESS ________________________________________________________________

 TELEPHONE NUMBER ______________________________________________________

 Diagram must include dimension of area from building to curbside, which is
"all considered sidewalk under Borough law", with total disregard to property rights.

Indicate what portion of the area will be reserved for ice or snow or for the placement of objects.
You must specify the objects which you intend to use, such as vehicles, signs, tables, or miscellaneous debris.

Note: if additional space is needed for diagram, please attach a separate
8 ½ X 11 sheet with detailed drawing.

______________________________________________________________
______________
Signed by member of wESTvIEW Zoning Board Tribunal
Date

______________________________________________________________

______________
Must be co-signed by wESTvIEW cHIEF of pOLICE
Date

______________________________________________________________
______________
Must also be co-signed by wESTvIEW Solictor(sic)
Date

 ____________ Recommended ____________ Not Recommended

 

 REASONS _________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

#SOB-2-2005
SIDEWALK OBSTRUCTION LICENSE - PAGE 2

STEP TWO: APPLICANT MUST SUBMIT INSURANCE TO THE BORO MANAGER

  • The Licensee is granted a license by the Boro to maintain a sidewalk obstruction as outlined in the submitted diagram. Guaranteed to be automatically approved and rubber-stamped by Boro Council, based on the whim and current frame of mind of Council President Daugherty.

  • Licensing requirements are completely arbitrary. If you are related in any manner to anyone else in wESTVIEW Boro Government, the Municipal Authority of wESTvIEW, or even if you just know someone "attached", you are automatically placed in the "favorite son" category and licensing for you is absolutely unnecessary. (Having a close physical resemblance to any of the above, may also be enough for qualification to the "favorite son" category.)

  • Sidewalk Obstruction Licenses are not required for properties owned or managed by the Boro of West View. Said properties may continue to remain hazardous with snow, ice and pavement deficiencies left intact.

  • Licenses must be obtained for all other properties with broken, cracked or missing sidewalks. Surcharge of $250.00 will be added to application fee.

  • Advertising signs on sidewalks will be subjected to a surcharge based on the percentage of sidewalk they are blocking. For example, advertising signs blocking 50% of the sidewalk will require a surcharge of 50%. (Bear in mind that in wESTvIEW, all area from curb to building is considered sidewalk, as stated in court transcripts.)

  • Application fees are increased by fifty percent for Route 19, wESTvIEW Plaza, or Center Ave where sidewalk obstructions are unquestionably public-safety issues.

  • Skateborders and children on small motorized toys which are used on the sidewalk may apply for the Junior Citizen Discount License. (Application is due by December 31st of the previous year.)

  • Specially reduced Sidewalk Obstruction license fees of 50% are available for orange & brown plaid sofas, and bags of trash which are placed on sidewalks for purely decorative effects. Refunds will be made for items licensed, but whisked away before dawn, by scavengers.

  • Out of season objects such as broken lawn chairs used to reserve parking spaces in the winter, are subjected to a 100% surcharge. Sleds, skis, or other winter-based objects used as described above do not have a surcharge, but do require a license. In a like manner, sleds, skis, or other winter-based objects used to reserve parking spaces in the summer will require the same surcharge.

  • To be on the safe side, as long as cHARLEs hOLTZGRAVER is police cHIEF, it is strongly suggested that an application be submitted even if you are placing objects completely and totally on your own property. (Chairs, tables and television sets, beds and even toilets, inside your property, may be subjected to this same tax in the future.)

  • Property owners who have sidewalks in the front and back of their properties may, at their discretion, select either one as their designated sidewalk. The other one is exempt from licensing. It may remain not shoveled in winter allowing large accumulations of snow or ice.

  • The Licensee further agrees to place signage in accordance with specifications obtained at the Office of the Boro Manager indicating to patrons the following, "Please Do Not Feed the Pigeons Per Order of the wESTvIEW Health Department".I

  • The Licensee agrees to place signs, objects and vehicles in front of the licensee's place of business and not in front of any other property.II

  • Signs advertising parties, garage and yard sales attached to poles or that are overhanging sidewalks are considered obstructions, and sidewalk obstruction licenses are needed. (Signs with 800 numbers require a 50% surcharge, 888 numbers do not.) III


    I, II, IIIAll signs must be approved by the wESTvIEW Zoning Board Tribunal, and require payment of separate permit fees. The level of justice you can expect from the wESTvIEW Zoning Board Tribunal is commensurate with the justice of Tribunals convened in other Eastern Bloc countries throughout history.

STEP THREE: SIGNATURE OF APPLICANT

With the signing of this license, as Licensee. I understand and will adhere to all aspects of this license and that any interpretation or definition of any article by Fred Baxter's Law Practise(sic) or the "Boro", although possibly different from that of the rest of humanity, remains final.

______________________________________________________________
______________
Signature
Date

A permit shall be issued by the Boro Manager in the form of a sticker or decal which must be attached to the obstruction at all times The permit fee is $500.00 unless otherwise indicated.

STEP FOUR: SUBJECT TO APPROVAL BY THE wESTvIEW BORO COUNCIL.

Pursuant to the vote of the Boro Council at their meeting of______________,_____this license has been ___ approved ___ denied.

The Boro Manager, as Licensing Officer, will notify the applicant of said action